Slovakia Series 2 - Hit Him, He's French
by slovakia-chan
Summary: Female Slovakia and male Czech republic going through a separation. France doing what he does the best. A little melancholic, but mostly silly and girly. I don't own Hetalia.
1. Chapter 1

**Paris, 1992**

Slovakia was now at her first World Conference. It had been several months since she left Prague for Bratislava. They hadn't been officially split yet, but her brother insisted she came, just to see what it really meant to be a country.

 _A shitload of work, that is,_ Eva thought.

She looked at the papers all over her desk. She was supposed to take care of everything and everything was urgent. Public speeches to announce their amicable divorce, the language problem, new flag design, new laws, looking for new investors, Czech minority politics… And then there were plenty of other difficulties. The Hungarian border issue, her forests in the north getting ill, underproduction of wheat, catastrophic state of her health care system, constant emigration… The list went on and on.

She wasn't even a sovereign state yet and she already felt lost. The worst thing was that Hynek was angry with her, giving her silent treatment ever since the day she moved out.

Despite all that and to her own surprise, she couldn't bring herself to regret her decision. Somehow it still felt right. She reached out for the file with paperwork concerning their separation and started to fill in the numerous forms. _Right now, this is the only thing I am sure how to handle._

* * *

France, the host country, was walking through the library, looking for a free table to organize his notes on or people to tease, preferably both. His gaze fell upon a desk occupied by a lone young woman. He knew he'd already seen her before, but couldn't quite remember where and when.

Then it came back to him. He leaned towards Austria.

"Isn't that the mad butcher?" he whispered, pointing in the girl's direction.*

Roderich looked at him, anger distorting his fine features.

"That was like a century ago!" he hissed.

Francis chuckled.

" _Bien sûr_ , but it haven't become any less funny. I'll go and introduce myself properly."

" _Na ja_ , go if you must, just remember she is of innocent heart," said the other man reproachingly.

"Didn't stop _you_ from making a move when she was a century younger!" The country of love made his signature laugh, running away from the Austrian before he could say anything in return.

" _Excusez-moi, Mademoiselle,_ do you mind if I join you?"

Slovakia raised her head to see a breathtakingly handsome blond man. If life with her brother had taught her anything, it was to be wary of attractive men and generally assume they were all jerks.

Nevertheless, it seemed like an excellent opportunity to meet some new people and in her position, it was desperately needed. That was why she had come there in the first place.

"Of course not! You must be Mr. France. It's a pleasure to meet you." She stood up to greet him.

"The pleasure is all mine." He grinned as they shook hands, then both sat down.

"I understand you will be separating from your brother soon. If you don't mind me asking, how is the whole business going?"

The Slav gulped. _Well, it's not like I can tell him the truth._

"It's… alright," she managed. _It's a mess, actually._ Then, she remembered the other side of the coin. Independence, hope, a new start and the excitement that went with.

"I am doing my best. It's always difficult in the beginning." She shrugged.

"It is indeed."

She noticed his peeking at the divorce form she was filling and desperately wanted to hide it. _Why did he have to come over at such an inappropriate moment?!_

"If I may, you shouldn't put _'_ he never does his own laundry _'_ in there."

Eva blushed ruby red. He was right. How silly of her to have written something that personal on an official document!

"It goes in the section 9A, additional comments."

"Oh." Eva nodded. "And… How would you know that? Can you read my language?" she asked, intrigued.

"It's more like I've filled that form in so many languages before."

Following his words, the Slav couldn't help snorting.

"Well, that's one way of discovering foreign cultures."

They shared a laugh. _She's not as judgmental as I would have imagined,_ the Frenchman observed. _I like her personality. And her boobs, too._

"You seem a bit worn out. Have you been taking time to relax recently?" he inquired. Slo didn't know what to reply, so she shrugged again.

"As I already said, it is difficult to be a new state. It's time-consuming, I need every minute I have to take care of the necessary."

The man thought for a while.

"That's true. Anyway, you seem to be on the right track. From what I've heard, you have a good attitude. Having said that, you also need to learn to loosen up from time to time."

 _And how do I do that?_ the other personified country wondered. She hadn't loosened up once since the day she left Prague.

"You probably think I have no idea, but I can assure you I do. This is indeed a big change. And another big change is happening inside you, _ma chérie_."

Eva didn't like being called that way. Moreover, the short-tempered adolescent she was, that Frenchie was starting to tire her, acting like he knew everything.

"And what would that be?" she retorted, sulking a bit.

"You're growing up." He winked. Blood rushed into her cheeks once more.

"You are so focused on becoming a country that you forgot to take time to become a woman."

The girl just sat there, her mouth slightly open.

"But I can help you with that. That's what my place is famous for, after all."

 _Ah._ She felt like running away to her brother's arms, asking him to get rid of that pervert for her. Then, she realized she was supposed to be independent.

"I'm not interested in that kind of relations, thank you," she said as politely as possible.

 _Honhonhon! You're a tough one, amour._

"I was talking about something else. My women are famous for being well-groomed and well-dressed. Maybe we can teach you a thing or two. I trust that will help you get in touch with your feminine side."

Suddenly, Slovakia started to feel insecure about herself.

"I am sorry I'm not as pretty as your women are," she retorted in defense.

"It's not really about prettiness. It's more that you look like you just came from a farm," Francis explained without ceremony. Eva had a look at her plaits, her baggy dress and old shoes. It hurt, but the arrogant man was right.

France saw a sparkle of interest in her eyes and decided to make it grow.

"Looking your best will also help you to get accepted by other nations, you know."

That intrigued Eva even more.

"What do my looks have to do with any of this?"

Francis Bonnefoy sighed. _So sweet and so naive._

" _Mademoiselle Slovaquie,_ you still have so much to learn about men, politics and the way this world works."

* * *

 _-END OF CHAPTER 1-_

* * *

*This is a reference to my very first fanfic. It wasn't very good so it's no longer on the web. Anyway, in the story, Austria confuses Slovakia with Hungary and makes a move, which results in him getting hit by a meat hammer.

* * *

Translations:

Bien sûr (French) = Of course

Na ja (German) = Alright

Ma chérie (French) = My dear (feminine)

I'm pretty sure you can figure out the rest :)


	2. Chapter 2

They decided to meet up in front of a beauty salon on rue de Rivoli. Eva felt overwhelmed by the size of the city and just how many people there were in the streets. She glanced at her watch; he was late. She was starting to have second thoughts, when, suddenly, the Frenchman appeared right in front of her.

"You're la-"

" _Oui, je sais. Viens, ma chérie_ , everything is ready." He took her hand and guided her inside, leaving her no chance to object. Slovakia wanted to say something, but as soon as they entered, she remained lost for words.

Beautiful women. Beautiful women everywhere. Having their hair or makeup done, doing others' hair or makeup, trying on clothes, picking cheek blushes, running around with important looks on their faces. Even the cleaning lady looked somewhat groomed.

" _Bonjour,_ Francis!" three women cried out in unison, waking Eva up from the shock.

They were perfect from head to toe, it was almost intimidating. One of them was dragging a trolley filled with clothes, the one next to her holding an amount of make up the Slav had never seen in one person's arms before. The third one had golden scissors in her hand.

" _Bonjour, Mesdemoiselles!_ You look particularly beautiful today," he said seductively and the three of them immediately started to chuckle.

"This is my friend I've told you about." He gestured at Eva.

"Err… _Bonjour_ …" She grew nervous, realizing the women were already scanning her for all her flaws.

"Well, let's start then," he said. "Are you ready, _ma chérie_?"

 _Something feels wrong, but I just can't put my finger on it._ Eva was about to open her mouth to agree when it hit her. She turned to look at him.

"You are not doing this for free, are you? What will you be wanting in return?"

For a moment she felt bad about being so direct. Then, she remembered he had called her a farm girl a while ago and relaxed.

France gave her his most charming smile.

"Don't worry about it now. I'm sure we will find something we'll both enjoy." He winked at her.

 _This is exactly why I worry, you know_ , she thought.

" _That_ is not happening. But we can have a drink."

The blond raised an eyebrow.

"We'll have a dinner. And you'll help me enjoy myself, at least." He grinned again.

"We'll have a dinner and I kiss you on the cheek," she retorted, businesslike.

"On the mouth," Francis requested.

"No tongue."

"Agreed!" he laughed. "You're difficult to negotiate with, _ma chérie_. Remind me never to do business with you."

 _What a moron_ , Eva mentally sighed. _What is he trying to achieve, teasing me like this?_

The man probably understood what she was thinking, so he tried to speed things up.

"Ladies, please take care of my friend here. I'm leaving you a girl and I want to see a _femme_ when I get back."

* * *

Eva was exhausted. She had just spent three hours being the girls' doll, trying on different hairstyles, clothes and makeup and taking note of every single advice they provided. Having no energy left, she collapsed on a nearby couch and wondered if it all was worth anything.

"Don't you want to have a look at yourself?" one of the girls asked. The three of them seemed quite satisfied with their work.

 _I might as well,_ the eighteen-year-old thought. _It's the least I can do to thank them for their effort._

She stood up to approach them, smiling timidly. They opened a curtain for her, revealing a giant mirror. Eva gasped.

There was someone she'd never met before staring back at her.

She was… stunning. Her hair was tied in simple-looking but elegant chignon with several strands out, making her face seem thinner. Her skin looked shiny and healthy, the violet shadows bringing out the green of her eyes. So did the tight, dark-green dress with silvery buttons. Last but not least, the kitten heels made her look and feel… different. Feminine.

"Wow… Just… wow," she breathed.

"I told you so," she heard the familiar voice say before noticing the blond behind her, smugness written all over his face.

"Now let's go get the dinner you promised me, _d'accord_?"

* * *

 _-END OF CHAPTER 2-_

* * *

Translations (French):

Oui, je sais. Viens, ma chérie. = Yes, I know. Come, my dear.  
D'accord? = Alright?


	3. Chapter 3

The couple sat down in a classy-looking restaurant.

"Will this spot be okay for you, _ma chérie_?"

"Yes, thank you. And my name is Eva."

"That's a lovely name, _ma chérie,_ " he purred.

Slovakia rolled her eyes.

"You _really_ like mocking others, don't you?"

"Think so?" He put his hand to his heart in a strangely playful manner. "It _is_ a lovely name. Especially fitting for a temptress."

"I'm afraid I'm not that kind of Eva." The girl looked away, a tad uneasy.

"Really. Please don't try to convince me you don't feel them."

"Feel what?" she asked, puzzled.

"Those looks, of course!" he exclaimed. "At least half of the men in this restaurant are currently imagining you naked and will probably dream of doing this and that with you later tonight. And there's nothing you can do about it."

For the third time that day, Eva went red.

"Why did you have to tell me?!" she growled. "Now I just want to hide under the table or something."

"Now, now, _ma chérie_. You'll learn to enjoy that," he reassured her, doing a lousy job hiding his amusement. "How about a drink to relax a bit?" He gestured to the waiter who came over and handed them the menus.

Eva pretended to be making a choice while secretly observing her new friend. He had his flaws, but wasn't as withdrawn and resentful as most men she'd known. She felt like she was starting to understand him. _Today was all about me. I should at least try to be nice. Even though when I see him, all I want is to hit him in the face with something heavy and… Now, calm down, Eva. Nice. Be nice._

France caught her peeking and she gave him her best smile. The atmosphere loosened up a little.

"Have you made your choice?"

"No. But I have an expert on the matter in front of me," she cooed.

"Is that so?" The Frenchman seemed pleased. "I suppose you're having wine, then?"

"I'd love to. But I don't really know what to pick."

"Let's see." He thought for a while, caressing his beard. "I think there might be something you would enjoy. A bottle of _Macon Village 1990,_ _s'il vous plait,_ " he told the waiter.

Eva was looking forward to getting her drink. Her place was mostly famous for beer and spirits, her lands not being suitable for wine grapes. The wines Hungary and Austria made were much better, but still, she preferred to stick with her own liquors. Everything changed when she tasted French wine a few days ago. It was different from anything else she'd experienced so far. Drinking it was like listening to a story, each bottle having its own, unique one. _Borovička*_ might have taken over her body, but French wine touched her heart.

The bottle arrived and they clinked glasses.

" _Na zdravie!_ "

" _Santé!_ I hope you'll enjoy it."

Eva briefly inhaled the scent of the liquid and took a gulp. A split second later, the world around her disappeared.

* * *

She was ten again, lying on a sun-lit meadow with Hynek.

Everything smelled of spring, the light scent of flowers cheering the air. They collected some and he helped her vow them into a crown, placing it over her hair.

"My little princess." He smiled at her as he dozed off on the grass.

Silence, just the rustling of the leaves and birds singing.

Eva removed her crown and put it on his chestnut locks. He let her do that, pretending he was still asleep.

"I've got a surprise for you," the teenager said later. "It's from my boss's kitchen." He handed her a slice of something yellow. "It's called a pineapple."

Eva took a bite. It tasted delicious.

They went to the forest to collect some honey and ate it with wild apples and nuts.

"Will you stay with me forever and ever?" She gave him a questioning look.

"Well." He smiled, "Maybe not that long. I'll stay with you until you grow up and get yourself a husband. Then you won't need me anymore," he said and mussed her hair.

"I will _always_ need you!" she cried.

* * *

 _Always,_ Eva caressed her empty glass, slowly getting back to the real world.

"It's like a state of art," she breathed.

"Wait until you try the food." Francis smiled, pleased with himself once again.

* * *

 _-END OF CHAPTER 3-_

* * *

Translations:

S'il vous plait (French) = Please  
Na zdravie! (Slovak) = Santé (French) = Cheers

Borovička = typical Slovak alcohol, the best way to make sure you don't remember anything from your trip to Slovakia :D


	4. Chapter 4

"I really had a good time today, you know," Eva told Francis after he'd walked her to the hotel.

"Honhonhon! So will you be going home with me after all?"

His colleague burst out laughing.

"No."

"Well, it was worth a try." He shrugged. "Be that as it may, you still owe me a kiss."

"That's true," Eva admitted. "Would you please close your eyes for me?" she requested shyly.

Francis did as she asked and waited for the kiss.

Nothing.

He waited some more.

Still nothing.

The Frenchman opened his eyes just to see Eva getting into the hotel lift.

" _Hé!_ What happened to my kiss?" he exclaimed.

"I've never said you would be getting it tonight!" the Slav shouted teasingly back.

"And what happened to the non-tempting Eva?"

"She met the snake today!" she beamed just before the lift door closed.

Francis smiled to himself.

 _You still haven't figure out why I'm doing this, isn't that so,_ ma chérie?

 _I feel bad about letting you two down before the war. It's a good thing that I can do at least this much for you now._

 _Oh, and also because I just LOVE teasing virgins._

* * *

"What the hell?" mumbled Hynek as he went through the same form his sister had been filling the day before. The questions were manifold and most of them didn't make any sense to him. Even worse, they kept reminding him of _her_.

 _I still don't understand. Didn't I give her everything, didn't I do everything to keep her safe and sound? Didn't I? And now that spoiled brat wants to separate from me._ He felt the blood rush into his head as the anger took over him. _All those years, all those scars just so she can act all snobby, drinking French wine and declaring independence._ He wasn't sure which one of the named two bothered him more.

 _For crying out loud, we are countries of beer and liquors and now she drinks only that expired grape juice. She's throwing away everything we were building for centuries, even the oldest traditions. Well, let her be independent. I don't have to put up with her shit anyway._

A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. A second later, a familiar blond entered his office.

"What do you want?" Hynek snapped.

"Well… _Bonjour_ to you, too." France smiled. "You could really try to be a bit more polite, you know," he taunted.

"You're opinion's noted. Now you can go to hell," * replied the Czech as he resumed his paperwork.

Francis chuckled.

"Anyway, I came to talk to you."

The other man stood abruptly up, fire filling his eyes.

"Get the hell out of here! You're the last country on the Earth I want to talk to right now!" he shouted. And it was true. He never forgot about 1938 and wasn't even getting ready to forgive. As if it wasn't enough, that shameless existence was now hovering around his Eva.

The Frenchie sighed.

"Okay, then. I'll come by later. No need to get all touchy," he sang while opening the door once more.

"And I don't want to see you around my little sister anymore, understood? I didn't spend centuries raising her standards so she can end up with someone like you."

This surprised his enemy.

"Raising her standards? Really?!" he mocked. "Aren't you a bit of a ladies' man yourself, _mon ami_?"

Hynek was fuming. "That's completely different! I would never abandon _her_!" he yelled.

"It seems like you already did," Francis said calmly. "Now that she needs you the most."

His colleague felt like hitting him, but his intellectual powers told him hold back. An international conflict was the last thing he needed.

"Just... go," he replied coolly and Francis obeyed. Hyňo sat down again and rubbed his eyes. However much he despised the blond, he had to admit he was right.

 _As a big brother, I taught her to fight for herself and defy those who stand in her way to happiness. Shouldn't I see this more like a success? Eva is finally becoming someone accomplished._ _She's growing up and it was only a question of time when she will start to fight for more personal space. Becoming an adult is difficult. And scary. And I didn't help._

 _Maybe I shouldn't be so tough with her after all,_ he concluded.

As he got back to their hotel later that day, he found a sticky note on his door.

 _'Meet me at the bar at 8_

 _xxxxx Eva'_

He looked at his watch. 19:55. He jumped back into the lift before it could leave.

* * *

 _-END OF CHAPTER 4-_

* * *

*A reference to an amazing Lordi song 'Sincerely with Love'. We all know that one person :D


	5. Chapter 5

He got back down and looked around the bar. Eva was not there yet. However, there was a chick with the cutest bottom he had seen in a while.

 _A hot Frenchie at nine o'clock. I guess sis will have to wait,_ he thought as he ordered two glasses of champagne.

"Excuse me, Miss, will you hold this for me, please?"

Hynek's preferred seduction strategy (which he copied from France*, by the way), was to order two drinks (classy ones), hand one to the victim (who was just trying to be polite) and clink glasses with her. Ladies were usually too taken aback and/or impressed to react so they just went on with the game.

This time, however, it was him who jumped in surprise as the girl turned around.

"Hyňo! Oh my god! That's so sweet!" she squeaked, taking hold of the glass.

"Errr… Hi, Eva," he managed, still recovering from the shock. The weight of the things he imagined doing to her a second ago was crushing him. He gulped, trying to push those ideas into some abandoned corner of his brain, never to be retrieved.

"I… I don't know what to say. That's so thoughtful! Thank you, big brother!" She smiled, eyeing him lovingly.

The Czech's heart jumped. She hadn't called him that for at least a century. He quickly got back to his old, collected self.

"You know, I thought I've been a little harsh lately and I wanted to make it up to you. I noticed you have grown to like French wines. I thought you might enjoy this."

 _And it isn't a complete made-up-on-the-spot lie,_ he reflected. _I don't really care which kind of alcohol seeps into your blood as long as you're having a good time._

"I'm sure I will," she replied, still grinning from ear to ear.

"By the way, what's with the new look? Not bad at all."

The whole makeover story made Eva think a lot about whom she was and whom she wanted to be. In the end, she decided to keep the clothes, use only basic makeup and wear her hair tied into one thick plait, the way her people used to.

"Thank you." She looked timidly down, then up at him again. "Anyway, I wanted to meet up to tell you we received the decision earlier today. We are officially separated now." She handed him a letter with a big stamp on it.

"Well, let's drink to that, then!" her no-longer-husband suggested, raising his glass.

"Actually, brother," she ventured. "If you don't mind, I think I'd much rather have a beer."

A warm feeling took over the young man. _I haven't completely lost her after all._

"The beer it is then!" He ordered two and they toasted.

Eva had a gulp and almost choked.

"Eww… I forgot what French beer tastes like," she commented, but his attention was already aimed elsewhere. She turned her head to see two drop dead gorgeous women sitting down at a nearby table.

"Say." She leaned in. "I might go greet them and drop something like _'My brother there has just divorced and is feeling devastated. Would you please cheer him up a bit?',_ " she purred in mischief.

Hynek raised an eyebrow, but quickly put it down. Manually.

"No, Eva, today is brother and sister time," he said, serious.

She couldn't help smirking.

"Look at you, acting all smug and everything! We can meet up any time, but what are the odds of you hooking up with them again? Good night, brother." She pecked his cheek and left to speak to the girls. A minute later, they looked at him, two of them smiling hungrily, one winking.

 _You're the best. Sister. Ever,_ he thought later that night as he fell asleep with two naked beauties cuddling closer.

* * *

*Reference to the movie _Les gamins (Brats)_ , quite funny and watchable compared to most French movies :)

* * *

 _-THE END-_

* * *

 **EPILOGUE** (contains some very light man-to-man action)

" _Tchèquie?_ " Walking through a corridor, Hynek suddenly heard a familiar voice.

"Not you again… What do you want this time?" he sighed as he saw Francis coming towards him.

"I've got some business with you, _mon ami_. And you should really try to be more respectful, you know." the blond teased again.

"Not in a milion years," Czechia snorted.

"You seem so sure about that. I suppose that you do not wish to apply for membership in EU anymore, then?"

 _Oh shit,_ Hynek realized. _It's true that this moron was one of its founders. I completely forgot about that._

He bit his tongue, trying his best to mind his manners.

"What is it you need then?"

"That's more like it." France winked.

 _I don't know for how long I can keep this up,_ mused the Slav. _Looking at him, I just want to hit him in the face with something heavy and… Nice, Hynek. Be nice._

"As a potential future candidate, I need to collect some data on you. For starters, Slovakia decided to separate from you, but she is much weaker economically than yourself. What are your actions in order to facilitate the transfer?"

"I'm glad you asked," he replied with confidence. "Our biggest initiative is to divide the former country's debt unequally, that means that I remain responsible for the major part of it." The whole scheme was a tad of messy, but the young man was extremely proud of his engagement.

"How interesting," France muttered, grabbing the other man's jaw and forcing him into a rather hungry kiss.

Hynek froze, his existence suddenly flooded by a confusing mixture of unknown feelings. What the hell was that pervert doing?! He wanted to kill him on the spot. Yet at the same time, he didn't. The man's lips were soft as a woman's, but seductively rude and demanding. A tingling sensation took over his body, preventing him from fighting back.

Finally France broke the kiss, thus setting the brunet free again.

"Why the FUCK did you do that?!" Irate, he did his best not to strangle the older man.

"You said you were paying some of your sister's debts. It so happens that when you were still one country, she promised me a kiss. She didn't seem eager to pay, so I figured _you_ would," Francis sneered.

Czechia sighed deeply, rubbing his eyes. Somehow he ended up doing that every time that guy was around.

 _Eva, we need to talk._

* * *

 _-THE END-_


End file.
